two dolla

love letter lessons

The other day, Desi and I were talking about Craigslist and some of the ads that people place that are absolutely the worst ideas ever, and how Craigslist (or CL as we obsessive nerds like to call it!) isn’t exactly the place to meet high quality people. (Note: Don’t yell at me. This is a gross generalization and I’m sure there are wonderful exceptions to the rule!)

Exactly 89% personal ads I’ve read on CL (and maybe I’ve posted an ad or two there in the past, but I’ll never tell) are absolutely horrible. They usually have about as much sincerity and romance as my bathroom rug. I’m hoping that those people writing about “I don’t need no drama” and “Prefer you 2 b petite with a badunkadunk booty” will take note of a certain site that gives example of how to write a love letter. Once they find the match of their dreams, they’ll be able to open things up and show the sweet, sincere side of themselves.

This has been yet another public service announcement by the Emperor of All Relationship and/or Dating Knowledge. (I kid.)

5 q, 5 a, all awesome

The Cuz asked me some interview question per my request. While waiting for Dancing With the Stars to end, I answered them.

And now, I guess if you want me to ask you 5 questions, I will. I’m nice and accommodating like that.
1. When are you getting your next tattoo, and what will it be?

Soon! I have a personal (and secret) goal that I’ve set for myself and once I accomplish it, I’m getting another one. I had to take this route, or I’d be getting tattoos every week. I’m trying to decide between about four different things right now. I know I want them all and all for different meanings, so it’ll just be a decision on which one to get first. Yes, I’m vague. It’s how I roll.

2. Do you rock the mic like a vandal?

If by vandal, you mean someone that’s really doing more harm than good, then yes. I tried to rock the mic like my all time favorite vandal (Vanilla Ice) one night after consuming too much alcohol. I just ran out of breath and forgot the words, if you can believe that.

3. What motivated you to get involved in your first 3-Day?

My co-worker Suzanne and my friend Erika. They both did the walk in 2004, and when I saw what they were doing and that they were making a difference, I had to do it. And then once I actually did the walk? I can’t imagine a year going by without doing it again. During those three days, I make a difference – in my life, in someone else’s life who’s dealing with breast cancer in some realm, and in the lives of everyone else that’s been lucky enough to not have a personal experience to share all because of those three days.
4. Will you make and share a video of the baby pteradactyl noise our family utilizes to indicate it’s someone else’s turn while playing dominoes?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPG3Fpj3j10[/youtube]

5. What do you miss most about Missouri?

My family (Fried chicken at Grandma’s, dominoes at on every holiday and even some in between, seeing everyone less than 4 or 5 times a year) and my friends (inside high school jokes, seeing their kids grow up, hanging out with them regularly). If I could, I’d move everyone up here.

the little white hairs

Riley, my little puppy that’s currently sniffing my leg, is a shedder. A bad shedder. My backseat, which is his seat, is covered in short little white hairs. My couch, which is a chocolate brown color, is also covered in short little white hairs. All of my clothes, even the ones that are hanging in my closet? Yep, covered in short little white hairs.

There could very well be an answer with the Shed Ender. I may just have to take a trip to the As Seen On TV store at the Mall of America and check this contraption out. Granted, the fine print probably says something about “not to be used on dogs with short hair”, and then all my dreams of a little white hair free house will be ruined.

Yeah, upon closer look? That damn thing would cut the hell out of my poor little puppy’s skin! I’ll stick with the annoying white hairs.

my work is fun and also hard

My Work Boys™ and I have a tradition. Anytime we get an order in that’s more than a dollar amount we set (which is actually quite high), we get to celebrate. How do we celebrate? By watching this video, and yes, it’s imperative you turn your speakers up when watching.

I just got in an order that qualified for the playing of the song and also qualifies me for a nice bonus that’ll roll in next month. My job is not easy at all, and days like today make me realize if I keep busting my ass, it’s all worth it come commission pay day.

And Cuz, it’s important that Clara Jane not only hears that song but sees the video as well. She’ll appreciate that poor boy’s fine dancing.

hooters trivia – may 1

Next week is our next big fundraiser and, as usual, you’re all invited! We’re having our second installment of bar trivia at the Block E Hooters located in downtown Minneapolis. You can see all of the details here and then get your team registered here.

Once again, the winning team gets to split $100 in cash. We’ll have various other prizes for trivia and a door prize or two as well.

In the very near future we’ll be announcing our raffle, which will include some incredible gift certificates, and my personal favorite – tickets to a Twins game, generously donated to us by the owners of Hubert’s Bar & Grill, which is conveniently enough the last place we had trivia. See? People like us!

If you’re in town and looking for something to do on a Tuesday night other than watch American Idol (Hi, Tivo it.), this is the place you should be! Boobs and beer and trivia – there’s gotta be at least one of those you’re a fan of, and if not, you’ll be supporting an amazing cause just for being there!

mortgages aren’t as simple as rent

One of my favorite co-workers is trying to sell her townhouse that’s located in the same suburb I live. I have no doubt it’s an incredibly cute place, and the location is just as convenient as mine is now, but there’s one thing that I just can’t see myself doing anytime in the near future and that’s actually owning the place I live. I know it’s probably more fiscally responsible and all that jazz, but I don’t really think it’s for me. At all.

I like understanding my rent. I pay it on the first of the month. That’s all there is to it. When you buy, there’s all this hoopla about mortgages and re-mortgages and adverse credit mortgages and really thinking about all of that tends to make my head hurt.

random is all i have today

The minutes can’t count down quick enough until it’s time for me to go pick my puppy up from daycare, retrieve my special Jell-o shot salad from the ‘fridge, and head into Minneapolis for the 612.5 Party.

This morning, my iPod kept playing Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out” over and over. I don’t know what all that is about.

And hey, Chinese food? Why is that shit so unhealthy?

See you all tonight, right? Don’t be scared. Just show up. It’ll be a good time.

bangs

After my doctor’s appointment which will determine whether or not my car insurance company continues to pay my medical bills, I decided it would be a good idea for a haircut. And because I only decide to get a haircut about 20 minutes before I walk into a place that cuts hair, I go to places like Snip n’ Clip or Cut Your Hair For A Buck. Tonight’s locale of convenience? Cost Cutters.

I have bangs now. I’m not sure how I feel about that. But like I always say when it comes to hair? It’ll grow.

don’t tell the cops

I have somehow managed to misplace my driver’s license and debit card. This is not exactly the most convenient thing ever.

I needed to by some adult beverages for the 612.5 party that you’re all coming to (right?), but you kind of need to have a valid ID and, you know, cash to do that. I had my passport, and that was good enough to cash a check at the bank, but I couldn’t get any liquor store to answer their damn phone and tell me if it was okay to use as ID to buy the bottom-shelf liquor that I needed to get. There was only one solution I could think of – have Jenni buy booze for me. And actually, that was were suggestion, but it seemed like a logical one to me.
I’m 29. Jenni’s 33. Do you see how we’re both legal? Like very legal? Right.

We met outside of Sid’s Discount Liquor (no kidding; that’s the real name), where I gave her $150 in cash. I did not need $150 in liquor and the thing is, I’m sure Jenni would have put it on her debit card and I could have just paid her back, but ohcrap! we needed to take care of this money transaction beforehand to seem less suspicious.

We did our shopping – horrible shopping at that, but when you’re buying liquid entertainment for 50+ people, you save money where you can – and then it was time to check out. Oh man, so nervous!

I don’t really think the kid at the cash register even checked Jenni’s ID, but I was too busy trying not to make eye contact with him or the girl that was shoving our bottles into an old wine box. I didn’t want to seem obvious that I didn’t have a valid ID saying I was old enough to purchase a five gallon bucket of vodka that only cost $9.78.

In any case, we got everything we needed and didn’t get arrested in the process. Afterwards, I asked the bartender at TGI Friday’s (clearly the most knowledgeable bartender around) if a passport would work to buy drinks at a bar, and she assured me it was even better than a driver’s license. I stuck with water all night anyway, which means one thing.

I made it through all day yesterday without one drop of caffeine. That could explain my headache right now, but it’s nothing a few Aleve washed down by a liter of water can’t fix.

ai: it’s country time

Two weeks ago, I was on a cruise ship not giving one damn about who was singing what song on American Idol. The week after that, I was out with the homies eating cream cheese paddies and didn’t end up watching the show until the actual elimination show was airing. And now here I am, two weeks after Peter Noone and Lulu made everyone sing British Pop songs and America was finished with Chris Sligh.

According to Ryan Seacrest, Martina McBride was the “only choice” for a country performer this week. By only does he mean the only one that would say yes? Because I can think of about 2029 others they could have chosen, too. As long as they left Kellie Pickler off the show, I wouldn’t have complained much more than I normally do.

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