Two weeks ago, I was on a cruise ship not giving one damn about who was singing what song on American Idol. The week after that, I was out with the homies eating cream cheese paddies and didn’t end up watching the show until the actual elimination show was airing. And now here I am, two weeks after Peter Noone and Lulu made everyone sing British Pop songs and America was finished with Chris Sligh.
According to Ryan Seacrest, Martina McBride was the “only choice” for a country performer this week. By only does he mean the only one that would say yes? Because I can think of about 2029 others they could have chosen, too. As long as they left Kellie Pickler off the show, I wouldn’t have complained much more than I normally do.
Phil Stacey – Where the Black Top Ends (Keith Urban) – I seriously hate his fucking hats. But I also hate his bald head. No, there isn’t any pleasing me. He either knows those boys in the audience he’s hugging while singing, or he’s making a push for the gay vote that’s probably split between Melinda Doolittle and Blake Lewis (no reason). While I think he’s super boring and nothing special at all, country is kind of where he sounds like he belongs.
Randy says Phil is going to have a career in country music, and that’s according to an “accomplished producer”. Paula notes that he actually sounded good from the first note of the song this time. Simon tells him it only took him ten weeks to get there, but he thought he chose a good song and was surprised to see some personality.
Jordin Sparks -Â A Broken Wing (Martina McBride) – Martina tells Jordin that when she sings her song, she always keeps her feet planted in one place. So what does Jordin do? Same thing. Only problem? It kind of makes her look like she’s not putting any feeling or emotion into it during the beginning of the song, but she eventually steps it up until regular awesome Jordin mode and really belts (in a controlled way, of course!) out the last part of the song.
Randy calls it one of the most difficult songs to sing, and says it was the bomb. Paula loves her, thought she did a fantastic job, and says she did a good job telling the story of the song. Simon says it’s the first time since they’ve met that he’s thought, based on that performance, that she could win.
Sanjaya Malakar – Something to Talk About (Bonnie Raitt) – What an appropriately retarded song for Sanjaya to sing. Martina McBride says if he uses a stronger voice, he sounds more aggressive. About as an aggressive as a chihuahua. Wow. How is this little shit head still in the competition? I know it’s some type of novelty at VoteforTheDumbestContestantEver.com to let him win, but why? He’s no longer entertaining and the cheesiness of his hair isn’t even fun anymore. Blah.
Randy calls it just like karaoke and the audience boos – loudly. WTF. Paula laughs the whole time that she tells him he’s having fun and calls him a lovable guy. Simon says it’s utterly horrendous and is as bad as anything they’ve seen in American Idol. That’s why I love Simon.Â And why I can’t stand Sanjaya – the cute factor is over for he and I.
Lakeisha Jones – Jesus Take the Wheel (Carrie Underwood) – Now, oddly enough, I never liked Carrie Underwood at all when she was on the show, so I automatically like Lakeisha’s performance better. I can’t remember what the original sounds like, but just like with every song she sings, this is a really great performance.
Randy says it wasn’t his best performance and thought he’d put more of a gospel spin on it. Paula agrees with Randy that she was shouting too much and her pitch was off. Simon says it’s like eating a hamburger for breakfast, it just doesn’t go together. He also says it just didn’t have a natural soul to it and tells her to be more careful with her song choice.
Chris Richardson – Mayberry (Rascal Flatts) – Martina says he could be a country singer like that. The only thing that could upset me more by that statement is if he would have come out on stage in a cowboy hat and boots, instead of his blue jeans and white tennis shoes. I’ve been getting kind of upset with him winding up in the bottom three, but this performance makes me understand a little bit why. It just didn’t seem like him at all.
Randy says he can sing, but it didn’t just hit him this time. Paula says the joy and the love he has on stage didn’t come through. Simon heard a nondescript, nasally, tinny vocal that had no impact on him at all. He thought the whole thing was completely insignificant. And then Chris argues with him, which is stupid, because you’re never going to win against Simon.
Melinda Doolittle – Trouble is a Woman (Julie Reeves) – If someone like Martina hasn’t heard the song before, you’ve gotta wonder where the hell Melinda dug it up. I like Melinda a whole, whole, whole, whole bunch and she fit right into the theme this week. I was nervous! I really don’t want her to do the whole “surprise” look the whole time, because that’s kind of old, too.
Randy calls it another solid performance. Paula compliments her on her song choice and the way she performs like there’s no tomorrow. Simon says it was fabulous, but not before he tells her to lose the surprise look. And then he goes on to compare her a little to Tina Turner.
Blake Lewis – When the Stars Go Blue (Tim McGraw) – This could make or break my love for Blake Lewis. Tim McGraw is about #1 on The List for me, as long as he keeps the hat on. Although, if Tim McGraw could beatbox, I don’t really know how I would contain myself. I’m never good at guessing this, but his falsetto notes sounded kind of bizarre. The thing with Blake is that I feel like he could sing any song in the world and give it his own spin and it’d be great. Tonight was really no different.
Randy is glad Blake knows who he is. Paula says he has the whole package, and this was a great song for him. Simon didn’t think it was a jumping out of his chair performance, talks about the Virginia Tech situation, and then goes back to telling Blake it was a good performance. Um, okay.
I have a feeling the bottom 3 will end up being Sanjaya (because I have faith in America!), Lakeisha, and Chris. I’m hoping with all that I can hope for that Sanjaya goes home and never comes back to anything American Idol related.