trust me. i’m still broken.

I got a letter in the mail today from my car insurance company. Since it’s been six months since my accident (as of yesterday), I “shall submit to physical and mental examination by physicians they select, when and as often as they may reasonably require”. I just called and tried to schedule it, but of course their office is only open from 7:30 to 4:30.

I’m kinda nervous about this. Regular doctors, in my experience, haven’t been exactly super fans of chiropractors, which is who I’ve been seeing weekly since the wreck. My lower back still hurts like crazy, but mainly, it gets super fatigued and makes me feel like I can’t do things I’d normally do. Examples? Okay.

I can walk a long way. This has been established from two previous 3 Day walks. But now, walking across the street with my dog, throwing the ball for him a dozen times, and walking back makes my lower back hurt bad enough that I want to lay down.

I haven’t been able to sit in my new leather office chair my grandma got me for Christmas, because it hurts my back to sit on anything that isn’t made of wood and/or hard plastic. I’ve had to use a kitchen chair at my desk at home for the past six months, because it’s the only way my posture doesn’t look like I’m slouching.

When I go out dancing, I have to take breaks. I’m a former Dance From The Time I Get There Until The Lights Come On type of girl. Now, no matter what shoes I wear, I have to hang out on a bar stool for a song or two or make out in the bathroom until I don’t feel like my lower vertebrae are going to crumble beneath me.

I don’t know if you know this, but my lovely lady lumps (I’m going to regret typing that) aren’t really humps. They’re like icebergs that could capsize the Titanic. Over the past six months, I’ve only been able to wear the ugly bras. While they may be super supportive on the back and awesome at holding the girls tight, they’re not so good when it comes to “Hi, stranger in a bar… mmm, nope, no can do, because I have an ugly bra on!” Don’t tell anyone, but I just wanna wear a cute bra again.

And truth be known, I’m kind of hoping they do make me go through a mental examination, because wanting to kill people that get too close to my car when driving and having my neck feel like it’s swelling up anytime I’m stopped in traffic and can see a car coming quicker than I think it should? Those things probably aren’t normal. I’ve joked about the rage issues in the past, but when I’m talking to my dad on the phone and threatening to chase two hoochies down and punch them in the neck for driving like idiots in a parking lot, that’s probably not so normal.

Anyway, I’m nervous about the doctor’s appointment. Even though I know I still need to have some type of treatment to get my back in the form it was prior to getting smashed up, I just have this odd feeling that the doctors the insurance company want me to see probably don’t have my best interest in mind and may just have the bottom line in mind.

This whole thing has me thinking another client-attorney meeting may need to take place if this appointment doesn’t go the way it should in order to make me 100%.

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