ai: 11 singers go british

What are you guys going to do next week when I’m aboard a large ship in the Caribbean and you don’t get to read my opinions about these guys? Or better yet, what am I going to do without my weekly Tivo’ed shows for a week? Oh, I know. I’ll lay in a chair poolside while watching the ocean pass by. Maybe I don’t have that much to complain about!

It’s British invasion night, which means maybe Simon will understand the songs. I don’t know if I should be embarrassed or not that I don’t recognize Peter Noone and Lulu.


Haley ScarnatoTell Him – I’m not sure why she’s still here, and as they show they’re little practice video with Lulu, I’m reminded that she’s gonna have to do a really awesome job tonight. I have my doubts already, but I always have my doubts about her. Her performance is pretty boring and nothing that’s gonna stand out, except the fact that her boobs look weird. Even Simon was staring, which isn’t all that surprising. And she’s got some long ol’ legs.

Randy says it was a perfect song choice and it was her best performance yet. Paula also thinks it’s the perfect song, and likes the slutty flirtatious side of her. Simon calls her a naughty little thing and says he’s like to take her out back it was a little shrieky in the middle. He also says people are going to be talking about a lot more than her singing.

Chris RichardsonDon’t Let the Sun Catch You Cryin’ – Peter Noone doesn’t seem all that impressed with Chris during their little practice session. It makes me kinda sad to say that this isn’t really the style of song that suits him best. I know it’s only a few weeks into the season, but people are already expecting him to be all Justin Timberlake-ish, and that’s just what he does best. The crowd really loves him. A lot.

Randy says it was beautiful and one of his best vocals yet. Props, props, props. Paula says he’s in it to win it and calls him sexy and charming and then they make out. Simon thinks it was his best performance ever.

Stephanie EdwardsYou Don’t Have to Say You Love Me – Stephanie is really great every time and this is a terrific song choice for her.

Randy said it was kind of pitchy for him. Paula says she looks great, picked the right song, and tells her to go back to having fun. Simon thought it was a bit night-clubby and he thinks she’s losing her soul. He misses her passion and her rawness.

Blake LewisTime of the Season – Peter Noone thinks he’s going to get the youngsters voting as well as the oldsters. I just wanna know where I stand in those classes. I don’t really know about his pants, but I think he can pretty much rock anything he wears and anything he sings. “Who’s your daddy?” You, Blake, you’re my daddy, just as long as beat box all the time. He’s getting really great and appropriately using his beatboxing instead of abusing it, which was my biggest fear with him when we first met him.

Randy says he made the song very current and calls it brilliant, baby, brilliant. Paula things he raised the bar and he could release that performance right now. Simon calls it a million times better than last week and calls it the strongest performance so far. And next time anybody encourages Ryan to sing or dance, I will not watch this show. For like two minutes.

Lakisha JonesDiamonds are Forever – Lulu can’t talk her into singing You’re My World, so Lakisha comes out singing about stimulating and stuff that makes me uncomfortable when watching TV with my dog. Ryan mentions that she’s wearing a million dollars worth of diamonds. It’s a given that she knocks it out of the park, even if there were a couple of spots where it sounded like she wasn’t sure where the note was she was trying to hit. She does look really, really fabulous tonight.

Randy doesn’t think it was his favorite and he was expecting to feel Lakisha, but didn’t. Paula thinks she did pick the right song and makes some diamond-related comments. Simon says the performance, the hair, the dress, and the mannerisms were all like seeing her in 50 years time.

Phil StaceyTobacco Road – Phil says he picked the song, because it’s fun. Peter Noone says it’s a perfect song for him to sing, because he puts life in the song. The song is 43 years old, but Phil does a job of making everyone forget that. His shirt is either dirty, covered with sweat all on the front, or it’s got a horrible pattern on it. Oh wait. I think it’s a cowboy shirt with flowers. I get bored with Phil and I’m not sure why. I just know Paula is hopping up and down holding her ear.

When Randy starts out “did you have a good time?”, you know it’s not great news. He just called it pretty good, which is probably generous. Paula thinks some parts were pitchy, but liked hearing the various ranges of his voice. Simon wasn’t crazy about it and calls it a 3rd division bar band performance. I’ve said this one and I will say it a million times over – I love Simon’s analogies.

There’s the damn American Idol flavored ice cream again. I’d love some Clay Aiken flavored frozen yogurt. I bet it’s fruity. Hey-oh!

And the Select Comfort commercial with the guy and his dog?  Yeah, that’s kinda me. In a major way.

Jordin SparksI Who Have Nothing – Jordin says the song that describes her the best is “I’m So Excited”. I kind of love her even more because of that! I love her very much. The song may be kind of old for her, but she did a phenomenal job with it.

Randy calls it one of the best performances they’ll probably see tonight. Paula says she’s a wonderful performer and while she’s talking, Simon is winking to someone off the camera. Simon thought it was beautiful, but now he wants to jump off a bridge because the song itself was so gloomy.

Sanjaya MalakarYou Really Got Me – Peter Noone says he looks like one of Herman’s Hermits more than he does one of the Kingsman, but I think that comparison is lost on about 70% of the viewers. There is a girl sobbing in the audience during his performance, which is kinda wild and crazy for little scrawny Sanjaya. This kid is hilarious. He’s quite possibly having the time of his life and it’s turning out to be the best performance he’s ever had.

Randy is shocked by Sanjaya tonight. HE says he came out of his shell and this is his best performance to date. Paula says it’s what they’ve been waiting for and it was a lot of fun to see him like that. Simon says the face of the girl who was bawling her face off says it all. I kind of want to vote for him, because he was awesome tonight. But then I remember the rest of his performances and can’t force myself to do it.

Gina GlocksenPaint it Black – Man. I really like Gina normally, but this is kinda crap tonight. This song doesn’t show off a lot of what she can do with her voice, and that’s what she needs to focus on if she’s going to compete with performances that we’ve seen tonight that are flat out awesome like Jordin or Blake. And also, her hair needs more product so it doesn’t fall in her face, please.

Randy opens up with the “good time” question, and says it was just alright for him and a little pitchy in spots. Paula thought it was miles better than last week, and tells her to do her own thing. Simon thought there were moments of complete torture in her performance, and says it was just not very good.

Chris SlighShe’s Not There – He has a good time with his performance of this song, walking through the audience. And has a slight altercation with Simon involving a mic stand.
Randy says it started a little rough, but he definitely came out to perform tonight. Paula says he’s dressing much nicer and she likes how he’s working the audience. Simon thought it wasn’t the best vocal, but it was fun and good song choice for him.

Melinda DoolittleAs Long As He Needs Me – I don’t know when it started bothering me so much, but I really hate it when any performer starts by sitting on the stairs. The dramatic appeal that it’s supposed to give kinda grew old about the fourth time it was done. Melinda looks really great tonight, though, and has picked another song that will allow her to show off the impeccable control she’s displayed in her voice. The little girl that was bawling during Sanjaya’s performance is crying again when Melinda sings. Poor kid.

Randy says they saved the best vocal for last tonight, and calls her performance stunning. He also calls her a pro up there. Definitely. Paula says she’s in her own element, and describes how she always tells a story with her song. Simon asks her if she’s really as nice as she seems, and Melinda says she hopes so. He says the second part of the song had an impeccable vocal. Yes, he used impeccable after I typed it, bitches.

Bottom three: Phil Stacey, Gina Glocksen, and Sanjaya Malakar. I’d like to see Sanjaya go home, but I think it might be Gina. I don’t know. I suck at this part of it.

I do know that it’s late and I have to go do some laundry or I’m going to be wearing just tube socks and a smile to work tomorrow.

One Comment

  1. Phil shouldn’t have rocked the song so hard. That shirt was definitely weird. Still, I thought he was better than Haley. I think either she or Gina will go home.

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