ai: and now the top 12 girls

I fell asleep last night during the top 12 girls’ first performance, so I’m watching it now. It works out, I suppose, because the elimination show happens to fall on Thursday nights in the beginning which interfere with Survivor, and that is a no-no.

The girls are never my favorite. During the past four years (I didn’t watch the first season), I’ve never had a girl that I’ve really wanted to win, except Kimberley Locke. Oh, let’s be honest. I wanted her to get second place, so my gay boyfriend Clay Aiken could have won the whole thing.

From the auditions, I only remember the Antonella chick, and I just read on that there Internets today, that someone found dirty pictures of her online. Oooh, I have scandal!

Stephanie EdwardsHow Come You Don’t Call Me Anymore – This is a really good song for her to start with!That was a pretty hard hit to her knees, and I’m predicting bruises. I was just glad she was able to stand up without flashing her cooch to all of America. The thing I loved the most about her performance is that she was really, REALLY into it.

Randy loves it, Paula loves it, and Simon said she was a million times better than any performance he’s seen the night before.

Amy KrebsI Can’t Make You Love Me – I love this song and have to often stop myself from singing it about 29 times every season of American Idol. Sadly, I don’t really like Amy Krebs’ version. Plus, Amy Krebs – Your American Idol? Krebs. Sorry, Amy. I guess I also just don’t really like the spin they’ve put on this interpretation of it.

Randy and Paula both agree that it was a bad song choice for her and not the type of song she’s really best at. Simon maintains he’s not going to remember her and compares her personality to a candle. Sometimes, I wish I were British so I could make comparisons that make not a bit of sense.

Leslie Hunt Natural Woman – She cleaned up pretty well from her auditions! I always have a hard time with little white girls singing Aretha songs, but Leslie wins for not trying to mimic Aretha and actually doing her own version of it. I really liked it, but probably more than I should.

Randy thought the song was too big. Paula thought she was great, but questioned her song choice. Simon says she looks embarrassed and out of her comfort zone when she’s on stage.

Sabrina SloanHeads I Win, Tails You Lose – Sometimes I watch the crowd and I see how in to the song they are, and I let that effect my opinion. Paula was getting into it, and I managed to ignore that. Her parents were way into it, and I ignored that. But when I couldn’t hear the most part of the song, because people were clapping and screaming, she must be good, right?

Randy says she’s the one to beat and Paula makes some type of valley girl reference that goes over my head. According to Simon, it’s the best performance he’s seen yet. Granted, that will change next week, but you know, it’s good for now.

Antonella Hoodrat BarbaI Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing – I hate this song a whole, whole, whole, whole lot. She’s doing a good job of making me hate it even more. She sounds super nervous and maybe like… well, I don’t know. Her performance was boring enough, though, that I managed to find a zit on my chin and that upsets me.

I love when the judges say “What do you think?” and I know it shouldn’t make me laugh as much as it does. Randy says it was bad, Paula says she’s a beautiful girl (code word: SUCK), and Simon says the good news is she’s attractive. Good news, hooker, you’re hot, but you suck. Try porn! Maybe he didn’t say the last two sentences.

Jordin SparksGive Me One Reason – I love her before she even sings, and I can’t remember why. Tracy Chapman is much better than the Celine Dion shit she did in her original audition. The sweet image, though? It’s her. I loved the way she did this song and it’ll bum me out if the judges don’t.

Randy tells her there’s no song that’s too big for her, which would be interesting to keep in mind weeks down the road. Paula rambled and I wasn’t paying attention, but she was clapping. Simon really liked the performance and encourages her to push her self.

Nicole TranquilloStay – I hate when their intro videos make them look like they’re running for office. I really love this girl’s parents and their awesome dancing! I wish I knew the song better, because when I don’t know the song, I feel like I can’t like or dislike it.

Randy said SHOCKER and says it was rough for him. Because she can’t compose her thoughts, Paula asks the boys what they thought and of course they loved it. Simon calls it indulgent, aggressive, fake, and unnatural. I always learn a lot of adjectives from Simon every season of AI. See? It is educational!

Haley ScarnatoIt’s All Coming Back – I may boycott Celine Dion songs this year. And by boycott, I mean fast forward right through these bastards. I can barely but it’s all coming back to me now as to why I hate them so much. Maybe Haley will be on my cruise ship next month and sing the Titanic song if we hit an iceberg.

Randy needs to be wowed a little more, and Paula can really only say “nice job”. She reminds Simon of a hotel lounge singer. SCORE.

Melinda Doolittle -  Since You’ve Been Gone – I’m definitely down with this girl singing Aretha. I like her a lot. She’s a lot better now, then I remember her being in her audition. I think Simon might have to eat his words on her lack of personality and confidence, because she really doesn’t even act like the same person. Most importantly, she sounds terrific.

All three judges really love her, but I was distracted by reading something that pissed me off… so, no details for you!

Alaina AlexanderBrass in Pocket – She has a stripper name, no? She has long arms and she’s special? Her singing isn’t bad, it’s just not as awesome as the great singers that we’ve heard the rest of the night.

The judges didn’t love it. I can’t say I’m surprised. I love it when Simon tells people they’re cute or pretty, because it’s his way of saying, “Sorry, sweet meat, but singing’s not for you!”.

Gina GlocksenAll By Myself – This is another one of my favorite songs that I sing constantly in my car. Honestly, it’s starting out boring, so I’m hoping she kicks it into Awesome Gear or something shortly. Oh, yes, I do believe she did. I think if she would have taken it up a notch from the beginning, it would have been even more impressive. And I pretended it was Eric Carmen’s version, not Celine Dion’s!
Randy was unsure about the beginning, too.  Paula loved it, and Simon didn’t completely love it.

LaKisha JonesAnd I Am Telling You I’m Not Going – I woke up last night as she was singing and was just like DUDE! I just hope everyone doesn’t compare her to Jennifer Hudson, because LaKisha has about 2098%  more personality then J-Hud did when she was in the competition. Also, remember Frenchie Davis? Didn’t she sing that song, too? Apparently it’s a big girl song only!

Paula and Randy both give her a standing ovation. Simon is picking her as an early winner, but it’s Week 1, Mr. Tea & Crumpets. Let’s not get too carried away.

Who’s going home? Amy Krabs and Antonella Hoodrat.

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