two dolla

with my ragtop down so my hair can blow

It was 1990ish when “Ice, Ice Baby” hit the airwaves. I don’t recall when I first heard it. I only knew I loved it. You know what I loved almost as much as I loved the song? The video. You know why I loved the video so much? The car that Vanilla Ice drove.

You remember it. It was a white Mustang 5.0. It was convertible. And the girlies were on standby just so they could wave hi. It didn’t matter that there were rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis. They were just jealous ’cause he was out gettin’ his.

But here’s the deal, I really loved that car. And it didn’t hurt the situation that there was a white guy with bad hair and a shaved eyebrow that was driving it in a horribly made video.
My very first roommate drove what I think was maybe a 1997 Mustang. It was purple, and yeah, it was pretty hot and definitely step up from her white Ford Tempo. The Tempo maybe fit her personality a little better (plain, boring, and, um, four-doored?), but the Mustang was a much slicker car. Needless to say, I was more than happy to let her drive when we went some place together.

The whole time I lived with that particular roommate, I would always discuss Mustangs with my brother. See, the only two things he cares about in life are himself and cars, so I pick conversation topics as appropriate. Anytime Mustangs would come up in conversation, I would fall back to the 1991 model that Vanilla I-C-E drove when he kept on pursuing to the next stop.

Out of all 43 years of Mustangs, the 1991 has always been the one I’d like to have, just as long as it had a ragtop I could put down for the whole hair blowing thing. Otherwise, it just wouldn’t be the same.

and i don’t like retired point guards

“I don’t like gay people and I don’t like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don’t like it. It shouldn’t be in the world or in the United States.”

Tim Hardaway, a former NBA point guard, has a reaction to a former NBA player John Amaechi coming out recently and it’s obviously not a very nice one.

”First of all I wouldn’t want him on my team. And second of all, if he was on my team, you know, I would really distance myself from him because, uh, I don’t think that is right. I don’t think that he should be in the locker room while we are in the locker room, and it’s just a whole lot of other things and I wouldn’t even be a part of that. But stuff like that is going on and there’s a lot of other people I hear that are like that and still in the closet and don’t want to come out of the closet, but you know I just leave that alone.”

He’s just so smart and wise, that Tim Hardaway fella. Clearly once someone announces that they’re gay they automatically turn into a horrible basketball player. I wouldn’t be surprised if John Amaechi could even dribble a basketball now that he’s out.

And obviously if a guy in the locker room is gay, he’s GOT to be checking out Tim Hardaway and everyone else, because that’s what those gays do!

The transcript that’s posted on the Miami Herald’s website makes me want to kick Hardaway in the nuts a few times. And for the record, I don’t like point guards that used to wear the #10 for the Golden State Warriors and couldn’t really do shit for his team after Mitch Richmond left the squad.

Oh, Timmy. I actually used to really like you back in the day, but it’s hard for me to even entertain the thought of liking someone that’s a narrow-minded asshole like yourself.