two dolla

no thanks, gary

I am in sales. You may or may not know that. I’ve been involved in some type of customer service for probably 15 years now You may or may not know that. And what you may really be shocked at hearing is that I’m damn good at customer service, too. I’ve won awards, people! (Okay, one award, and it was the Charlie Hustle Award at Taco Bell when I was 17 and my prize was a Taco Bell denim jacket, but that’s not the point.) The point is I get upset when customer service-oriented people do a crappy job, because I know it’s not that hard. As a result, people that I encounter with excellent customer service get rewarded nicely either by a generous tip, if appropriate, or a wonderfully worded letter. I’m not shy about this type of thing!

On the drive home from work tonight, I got a call from a guy whose name I believe was Gary Sanders. He was calling on behalf of the Minnesota Twins. (And I kind of hope someone he knows finds this through Google.) He was trying to pitch me a season ticket plan with the Twins. We all know if I had a disposable income, that would be my third purchase, following a house with a large yard and a new car. However, now? Not so much in the budget.

Gary: Is this Wendy?

Wendy: Yes. (This part of the conversation was repeated four times.)

Gary: I’m calling from the Minnesota Twins. Think we’re headed to the World Series this year?

Wendy (being a realist after a long day at work): I don’t know! Maybe!

Gary: That’s no attitude to have! (no pause whatsoever) With players like Monroe and Mauer, we can go all the way!

Wendy: Wait, who?

Gary: You know, the MVP Monroe and…

Wendy: Yeah, who?

Gary: Monroe?

Wendy: Morneau?

Gary: (very long and uncomfortable pause)

Wendy: (sighing)

Gary: Yes. That’s the one.

The rest of the conversation did not go well for him, because A) he didn’t know the first baseman’s name and B) he was reading a very horrible script. He hung up on me when I told him I’d just call back when I knew what games I wanted to go to. No commission for you, buster!

now with a glossary!

A lot of my fine readers have been around for years and I take advantage of that by not always spelling things out or including every raw detail of something that my relate to my past. I mean, why wouldn’t everyone on the face of this Earth have been reading twodolla.org since the late 90s? I know I would.

Thanks to the WordPress Glossary Plugin, I may have found a solution for all of those you relatively new readers that may feel as if you’re standing outside in the dark of my fabulous world.

Per their request for an unbiased opinion, I downloaded the plugin (you can do right here) and installed it, which took me all of about 45 seconds and that even gave me time to throw my puppy’s stuffed frog down the hall twice. I entered the first of what I would imagine will be many, many terms that I use here on a regular basis, and bam – now everything in my life will soon be as clear as day for the random reader.

I’d actually been thinking about doing this for years (really), but I’m lazy and didn’t want to code it by myself. We all know it would have ended up being done in FrontPage with animated .gifs all over the place had that taken place anyway. If it’s automated, I’m all about it. I really couldn’t believe how easy this was.

I better get some thank yous for this, people. I’m so user-friendly it makes cry real tears.

minus 9

I don’t have any kids. At least not any with less than four legs. Maybe that doesn’t qualify me for bitching about people that do have kids, but don’t worry – I’m fully prepared to take the wrath.

I stopped at the gas station this morning, because bottles of Mountain Dew are on sales between 5am and 9am. I don’t know why either, but you can be damn sure I’m taking advantage of the 2 bottle limit for my favorite co-worker guy and I.

This morning I pulled up and got out of my car just as a lady was getting her baby out of the backseat, and leaving her dog in the car. Keep in mind the minus 9 in the subject line here was the temperature outside. I thought maybe she needed some milk for the baby or some eggs to cook everyone breakfast. Those would be somewhat tolerable reasons to go to the gas station at 8am when it’s cold enough to freeze spit coming out of your mouth.

Instead, it was a pack of Marlboro Menthol cigarettes she needed. But when the gas station cashier asked her if her baby was warm enough, she let us all know that baby was used to running to the store to get cigarettes all the time. A little cold weather wasn’t going to hurt him!

Cigarettes. Mint ones. With an infant. In arctic temperatures. Makes complete sense to me!