twodolla

i enjoy nachos.

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why 2006 was awesome

My Friends: They were awesome last year, of course, but this year was even better. They’re always there and they’re always awesome. This was the first year that I felt like I had a real family here. They challenge me, they support me, they motivate me, and yes, they sometime instigate me, but that’s why they’re all so, well, awesome. I could go on and on about how big of an impact my friends have made on every aspect of my life, but that would get incredibly sappy and I’m not down with that right now! (Dear Friends: I pretty much love you all.)

My Riley: For the most part of the year, Little Riley Pants lived with me. Yeah, that means he ripped open bags of trash and ate a pound of butter and sometimes peed on the floor, but it’s all been worth it. There were times when picking the tiny white hairs off of everything I own gets a little on the annoying side, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

My New Apartment: By March 1st, I was living by myself. For the first time since moving to Minnesota, I didn’t have to abide by anyone else’s obnoxious house rules or listen to them having awkward and/or loud sex in the room next to me. I’d gladly trade picking up dog shit on a frosty morning while still wearing my pajamas for that any old day.

My Job: I was in trouble a lot over the past year at work for various things, but I was lucky enough to have a boss who has had faith in me for almost four years and guides me in the direction that makes me better at my job and better as a person. It’s a job that pays the bills by only working 40 hours a week instead of 60+ that I’d been working in the past between two jobs. I feel like an actual grown up now in the way of my career.

My Future: For once, I’m secure about who I am and where I’m going. I’m not at a dead end job in a dead end town trying to figure out what I’m going to make of my life. I’m not sitting at home wondering if my only friend in a big new city is available for the night. I’m not taking a cash advance out on my next paycheck just so I can pay rent on time. I’m not pretending I’m someone I’m not and I don’t spend my time trying to impress people with who I am. I’m so happy with who I am and what I am and where I’m going.

Like to Vegas in less than two weeks and the Caribbean in less than three months!

Happy New Year, everyone. You’ve all helped make 2006 the best year ever for me.

Be safe. Be careful. And be awesome!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have cooking to do!

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locking in for one more year

Last week, I called my apartment complex’s main office in an attempt to schedule an appointment to discuss the idea of me signing another year lease. I talked with Jessica and she said I could come in anytime on Tuesday between 9 and 6. So, after my physical therapy appointment today, I walked in around 12:30 to pick up my new digital camera and do the lease-signing. Except someone else came bopping out of the back office to let me know Jessica didn’t have my lease ready because she didn’t know I was coming. Huh. Really?

So, she’s going to call me when it’s ready. If it weren’t so a pain in the ass to move, I’d probably go in, tear the lease up in their face and quite possibly light it on fire. And no, it’s not just because of today. It’s more about the multiple times my bathroom drain has backed up all over my floor and the smell of shit that’s still lingering every time I open the bathroom door. I’m going to be sure to bring that up when we discuss the terms of my lease.
But unless I buy something, which I’m absolutely not ready to do, it looks like it’s a few more years of complaining about landlords… And, you know, considering the last few places I’ve lived, this is by far the best landlord situation I could imagine.

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the stores have seen the end of me

At least as far as gift buying is concerned. I need to make one more quick jaunt to pick up one last minute idea and then I’m calling it quits. Except for, of course, the run to a few local establishments when I get back to Missouri to pick up the regular gift cards for my family that lives there. But that’s the easy part.

I always want to buy for so many people in my life that it’s not even funny. I have to draw a line somewhere and this year, it’s been – Family Only.

One day, though, after I hit it rich either participating in a giant heist, making it big at a tight end in the NFL (since my rotator cuff injury has blown my chances in baseball), or marrying Justin Timberlake, I’m sending everybody – and I mean everybody – I know one thing. Gift Baskets.

From that site alone, I’m pretty certain I could find something for everyone I know, including my 82 year old grandpa who is the most impossible man ever when it comes to gift giving, because he has everything. Except a wireless rain gauge, which he’s getting from me this year.

But seriously, who wouldn’t like a nice little gift basket showing up at their work one day? I’m bookmarking this site for when I do have the financial means to gift everyone in the world that’s ever been a part of my social circle a gift. Hopefully, they’ll still have their current promotion going on where you can use the coupon code “buymore” and get save 5% on your order. But then again, when I’m rich, who needs to save 5%?

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awesome christmas

I shamelessly stole this photo from Bill and the bottom photo from Jenni, because they were too awesome not to share. I write about my friends all the time, but this is actually how close we all really are!

We had our $3 gift exchange and it was hilarious and also explains why I’m wearing safety goggles in the above picture. This is also the 3rd or 4th picture where the only evidence of Jumi in the photo is HER HAND. I swear she’s there. She’s just incognito or something.

The pink book I’m holding? It’s a scrapbook. Signed by my friends. It’s so awesome. I want to scan every page and share it. Seriously.

A lot of inappropriate behavior later, including an all-girls meeting in the shower, our Awesome Christmas was over, but not before there were an insane amount of pictures taken, some of which I’m not linking because safety goggles and dangly earrings are not exactly flattering.

In short, and as evidence from the below picture, Awesome Christmas Rocks!

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my friends are awesome

Last night was one of those nights where I realized something again – my friends are awesome people. Sure, they’re awesome to hang out with and awesome to party with on a regular basis. That’s a given to me and probably to anyone that looks at my billions of pictures of them all being awesome.

We all (eight of us) convened at Target in yesterday’s evening-tide to go shopping for a family we’d adopted for Christmas through The Aliveness Project. Despite the non-helpful and rude Target employees that rammed a large clothing rack into Jenni’s backside, we did an amazing job. We split up the family (a single mom and her seven kids) and after we were all finished, it was more than obvious that we’d all put in a lot of effort into what we’d picked out for the kids and their mom.

The list that the folks from The Aliveness Project hand out is filled out by the parent(s) and lists the things that they need and the kids need. It really pulls at the ol’ heart strings to read that a single mom needs a blanket or a bath mat or a some pot holders for Christmas.

We managed to get something that each person requested, along with some winters clothes for all of the kids. Jumi and Cindi clearly had the most fun shopping for the 5 year old boy, and I was absolutely no help at all assisting Jenni and Stephanie in finding hair care products for the 13 year old girl that lists “doing hair” as one of her hobbies. Matt and Bill did some male bonding while they shopped for the middle child who also happened to be a boy, and will soon be the proud owner of some awesome Nerf toys. Katie and Kaye made sure the mom was set with some great stuff on her list and found some movies to include for the family.

$365 worth of shopping and we’d just made one family have a Christmas they wouldn’t be able to have without us. That’s awesome.

The really cool thing? Our friend Leslie (who is also doing The 3 Day with us) won a portable DVD player through her work and gave it to us to give to the family.

Part of the 30+ dozen cookies I’m baking tomorrow are going to also go to The Aliveness Project, because they pass out cookies with the gifts as well. And in the grand scheme of things, what’s a few more dozen cookies when you’re making that many, right?

Speaking of which, there’s still a little bit of time to order cookies!

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say hello to my new little friend

sd700I’ve generally been pretty good about planning major purchases out – cameras, computers, trips, little gay puppy dogs, etc. But sometimes, when a good deal comes along, you just can’t pass it up, which means one thing – impulse buy!

And impulsively buy I did yesterday when I saw an awesome deal on the Canon PowerShot SD700.

Early in the summer, I’d bought Jenni’s SD400 off of her when she got a new camera, because I’d always wanted to have a little camera to shove into my pocket, but never wanted to spend a lot of money on it. So, I bought it and naturally I absolutely loved it. The majority of my pictures from this summer and fall were taken with it.

I still have my S1 IS and love it for anything I need to zoom in on, but it’s not so convenient to carry around if I don’t want to lug around a bag. Great camera, but I just get spoiled with the ease of shoving it in my pocket and not feeling like I’m packing heat.

Anyway, I just called DHL to have them hold my shipment at their facility so I don’t have to deal with my asshat apartment people and they said it should be there first thing tomorrow morning. Conveniently, delivery wasn’t going to be attempted until Monday. Right.

So, yeah. Merry Christmas to me.

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cookie reminder

I know you’ve probably seen it a ton already, but here it is again.

Don’t forget to order Christmas cookies!
Just go here to do it.

We’re baking them this weekend and starting to delivery, too. You can take them to co-workers or to neighbors or to your family and lie your fool head off by telling them you made them yourself. I’m okay with this, because you’re helping boobs at the same time. One of the Boobylicious girls will deliver them right to you or to anyone you want, provided they’re within driving distance!

Or we’ll mail them to your loved one with a nice note telling the recepient they were purchased for charity. How great of an unexpected Christmas and/or holiday gift would that be?

To recap: Buy cookies. Save boobs. Thank you.

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a month until vegas

I have laryngitis. Yeah, go on and laugh. It’s going on day 5 and if you’ve ever met me, you know that if there’s one thing I like to do it’s talk. And talk a lot. Riley Pants thinks it’s funny because he can do things and I don’t yell at him. As long as it’s back by the time I go to Vegas in exactly one month, I’ll be just fine.

We’re in the process of getting a hotel secured for our weekend romp in Las Vegas. We’ve had our plane tickets for a while. There are six of us going, so you can be sure there will be more than enough incriminating pictures of the legal activities that take place.

This will be my first trip there, so going with this group of people and just running loose up and down the strip is probably ideal. Besides, the amount of laughing and inappropriate behavior may be enough to cause another round of laryngitis.

If I had more time there, I’d be inclined to do things like catch Prince in his new Vegas performance or snatch up a couple Professional Bull Riders Finals tickets.  Nothing says a well-rounded vacation like a live performance of Pussy Control and being immersed in crowds of cowboys all looking for something wild between their legs.

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i’m mad at the twins

I know. It’s December. What could a baseball team possibly have done to make me mad during the off-season? Try wasting money ($1.25 million plus incentives) on a 37-year old backup utility infielder/designated hitter. Because that’s where we struggled during the playoffs? No, it’s not.

Sure, he batted .319 with the Brewers last year, and I can appreciate that. But last year’s big deal of the wire (Tony Batista) hit 32 home runs the year prior to signing with the Twins and he ended up with his ass kicked to the curb after only three months into the season.

I would like to encourage the front office of the Twins to follow the same strategy I do while in the checkout line in Target ogling the impulse items:  Just because it’s cheap and right there in front of you does not mean you need it.

Why I don’t work for a major league baseball team’s front office, I will never know.

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jack black & the pick of destiny

I have a weird crush kind of thing on Jack Black and have had one for a long time. I can’t even remember what started it, but as you can probably guess, I’ve just always had an amazing appreciation for as much inappropriateness as Jack Black sings about when partnered up with Kyle Gass as Tenacious D.

Maxim has a great article interview both JB and KG, and they’re animated as usual talking about Dave Grohl is an honorary member of Tenacious D and Jack talks about how he gets tired of the constant attention he gets when out and about:

I like attention, but some people have no clue. I’m carrying my child over a bridge: “Can you put your child down on the sidewalk and sign my asshole?” Makes you wanna kill some people.

And they even use the word blog in their interview, which gives them extra nerd points in my book.

I haven’t see the new movie “The Pick of Destiny”, but I want to. As soon as I can sit through a movie without hacking up the remainder of my left lung onto the patron sitting next to me. I would hate to have bad manners.