on a 1-10 scale, cleaning ranks a -8970

We got an email at work today letting us know that we would be having some special guests in the building on Wednesday and Thursday, so we should try to make our workspaces look presentable. In other words, I had to clean my desk today. Anyone that’s known me for any amount of time can tell you, without hesitation, that I am not the neatest person in the world.  Cleanliness may be meant to be next to Godliness, but for me it’s probably closer to as enjoyable as scratching my eyeballs with a yard rake.

I just spent the last hour sorting through the mounds of crap that filled my L-shaped desk. Two boxes of instant oatmeal went into my bottom righthand drawer, joining an unopened bottle of Diet Pepsi Jazz, my headphones, and my work softball jersey. My Excederin Migraine and orange-flavored Tums got pitched into my top righthand drawer, which was still housing my winter supplies from last year – stocking cap with ear flaps, cough syrup, and zinc lozenges. I’m keeping the generic Vicodin out just for dramatic effect.

I threw eight Sharpies, four blue pens, and six blue and orange highlighters into a wicker basket I have on my desk for some reason. Right now, that sole reason is to hold my collection of unuses post-it notes, my Steve Bedrosian and Chris Bosio baseball cards, and a copy of Mr. & Mrs. Smith on DVD.

The four empty water bottles that were on my desk found their way into the trash. I’m not sure why it was so hard to part with them, but I keep looking longingly into my wastebasket to make sure they’re alright.

For about two seconds I thought about trying to combine the two steno notebooks and the legal pad I use to take various notes into one, but I thought better of it. My scatterbrain needs things scattered – that’s just how it works.

To most people, my desk/workspace probably still seems unpresentable. I know for a fact, though, that if I try to put my whiteout, stapler, calculator, tape dispenser, and book of checks into a drawer, I may not be able to properly function.

I wish someone would send a letter to my house, saying importnat people were coming by and I would need my apartment to look presentable. I’m not sure what other reason I have to remove the three loads of laundry that are sitting on my dining room table.

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