two dolla

a list with lots of links about my weekend

It’s been four days. That means you get an itemized list!

Thursday

• Saints game with Jenni for $1 Beer Night; Sean and Christine were there, too.

Friday

• Amish Craft Night at Cindi’s. I made this and ate non-toxic glue.
• My fish Sanchez died.

Saturday

• Lumberjack Days, where we saw the Wienermobile and watched people audition for a commercial by singing the Wiener Song.
• Minnesota Vixen football game. IT WAS AWESOME. See some pictures.
• Aquatennial Fireworks on the riverfront.
• Kieran’s Irish Pub, where I was greeted by a live band singing Folsom Prison Blues. I instantly liked it.
• Dancing at The Gay 90′s. Always mandatory after a couple of drinks and only a $5 cover charge.

Sunday

• Sleeping in!
• Watching Jenni jump from a plane.
• Clerks II. (Sean and I talked about it at skydiving and I couldn’t wait any longer to see it.)

And now it’s Monday, where I woke up at 6:15. I swore it said 8:15, so I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to come up with an excuse on why I was last yet again. I jumped out of my shower and realized that my clock only said 6:29. What a way to start my week.

amazon weirds me out

I just placed an order for something on Amazon.com. Without going into detail, I can let you know it was something for a small, small child. Keeping that in mind, this is tihe list of recommended reading I got on the same screen as my order confirmation:

What the hell, really?

This is even worse than the potty-training recommendations I get on a regular basis, just because I ordered “Everybody Poops” (and other poop-related books) for Clara Jane probably two years ago.

dearest riley pants

Dearest Riley Pants:

Just for the record, you’re the best dog in the world, even if you are busily digging through my bag from Michael’s that contains nothing but pipecleaners, googly eyes, and some other craft-related surprises. If I come home tomorrow and you have constructed something a little bit better than your usual Notebook Disaster Surprise, then feel free. Otherwise, bags of clearance craft items aren’t for you, Sir Fancy Pants.

And while I’m writing to you, I should tell you this. I know you’re a big boy now; I get that. I like you not being in your kennel anymore almost as much as you do, I think. But you know what I really like? When you greet me at the door. Even though I may not treat you as such, you are a dog and it’s kind of your job to happily greet me with your little stub tail wagging back and forth.

So, when I come home from dinner, I would really not like to have to hunt for you throughout this apartment. Firstly, it makes me think you’ve either disappeared into the night or that you may be trapped somewhere and can’t get out. Either option is not acceptable to me. Granted, walking into the dining room and seeing you fast asleep on the pillow that’s in your crate is super cute and all, I have what we like to refer to as CRAZY MAD PARANOIA. This means that if I can’t physically see you or notice that you’re breathing, you must be dead. Please keep this in mind next time I come home, okay?

To summarize, Fat Dog, I love you. Please stop digging in things I bring home. Enough with the notebook parties. Act like you’re somewhat excited to see me.

Love always.

Your faithful owner

spare some good thoughts today

And send them to Sammy. And Erika and Jay, too.

the rage was building!

Sometimes I get angry. I think we all do. But tonight, after a long walk, I got home and found an email or two that really got my blood boiling. I won’t talk about it here, because it’s not really the appropriate thing to do. Suffice to say, I’m glad I can control my anger or things might have gotten ugly. And by ugly I mean reeeeally ugly.

Instead, I’ll just drown my anger in a couple of video games and then forget all about it.

And people say I have rage problems!

elliott yamin, where did you go?

First, and rightfully so, Taylor Hicks signed his record contract. He won this year’s American Idol, so that seems logical.

Then, because the 2nd place person always gets a record contract, too, Katharine McPhee inked her deal.

And because the world wouldn’t be right if Chris Daughtry wasn’t rocking out under some label, Clive Davis and posse signed him, too.

Today, I come to work, and upon reading my daily news, I find that PICKLER just signed a contract. Pickler. Insert angry noise here.

Where’s my boy Elliott’s contract? Where’s his deal? Where’s HE?

i’ll take preorders for gun show tickets

Today was a bad ass day at the gym, although I may be too sore tomorrow to raise my hands above my head.

My benchpressing has been going increasingly well as of late and tonight, I skyrocketed past my personal best.

I did 100lbs for six reps, and followed that with 110lbs for three reps. So awesome.

I forced down 50 ounces of water, before I caved in and convinced myself I needed a real Coke. Then, it was water and apple juice for the rest of the night. Apple juice isn’t ideal, but it’s better than a Coke.

Way too much inattentive dining out last week and entirely too much regular soda almost made my five trips to the gym all for naught, because I only lost 1.5 lbs. I guess it’s 1.5 lbs I won’t have to lose next week, though, so I won’t complain too much.

It was awesome this week to look in my checking account online and see the gym had only deducted $12 from my checking account. My health insurance just switched over to giving me $20 off my monthly membership, as long as I hit the gym eight times a month. This was the first month it took into effect. And I’m excited to say I’ve already been there 8 times this month and it’s only the 17th.

And in order to follow my strict orders of getting 8 hours of sleep tonight, I have to go to bed right this very second.

suddenly, i don’t want eggs

I eat a lot of eggs and I do so for a couple of reasons. Let’s examine them, shall we?

1. They are one of the few things I know how to cook.
2. They contain quite a bit of protein.

But quite possibly no more. CBS is enlisting eggs in its scramble to attract viewers.

More than 35 million eggs will be marked with phrases such as “CSI: Crack the Case on CBS” and “The Class, New Grade-A CBS Comedy” as part of a deal between the CBS Marketing Group and EggFusion, an egg-coding company.

If I go to crack open an egg, only to find a lame pitch for one of 2098 CSI series, I will not be happy. It almost trumps my fear of cracking open an egg to find an unborn chicken fetus.

it breaks my heart

Justin Timberlake, because he’s so awesome at everything else, decided he wanted to try to make movies. His first attempt? Edison. Morgan Freeman, Kevin Spacey, LL Cool J – there were a ton of great people starring in the movie with him.

I guess it didn’t help much, because it’s headed straight for DVD due to so many poor test screenings. The good news? It’s going to be released tomorrow and I have it as #1 in my Netflix queue.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for former boy band members, and I’m not too ashamed to admit it!

we’re all dating

This is an artist’s rendering of what our table looked like at lunch today. I’m not a very good artist.

Note for readers: nobody at this table is dating. They may have done so in the past or may have wanted to do so in the past, but for now, we were merely eating lunch as four individuals who’d just finished moving Tracy and Mark from one apartment to another.
As Mark was licking the inside of the container that once held his El Diablo sauce, the waitress came back to the table and said something along the lines of “I’ll go ahead and clear some of this stuff out of your way. When I bring the bill, should I go ahead and put it all together or did you want to split it into couples?”

Mark responded with “all together”, which was the perfect answer while she was still standing there.

But when she left, we laughed. Quite a bit. Had we been on our toes and not still zapped from hauling books up stairs (Hello? Who reads anymore?! I kid.), our wit may have escaped our mouths a bit quicker than the appropriate answer in this case.

Mark’s idea was the best. We should have let her split it into couples and tipped her according to her accuracy.