American Idol auditions are starting up next month!

Now, I can’t sing for crap, and I know this. But part of me really wants to go through the whole audition process, just for posterity sake. Plus, how cool would it be for you to see photo documentation of how grueling the entire process is? Because they’re auditioning in Minneapolis! And this would be the last year I’d be eligible for auditions due to my impending climb towards the age of 29.

San Antonio, Tex., Fri., Aug. 11, Alamodome
East Rutherford, N.J., Mon., Aug. 14, Continental Airlines Arena
Birmingham, Ala., Mon., Aug. Aug. 21, B.J.C.C.
Memphis, Tenn., Sun., Sept. 3, FedExForum
Minneapolis, Minn., Fri., Sept. 8, Target Center
Seattle, Wash., Tues., Sept. 19, Key Arena

Don’t worry. There’s no way I would ever audition. While it would be funny and an experience like no other, I would rather humiliate myself in other ways that do not include national TV.