the 8 do queen

I didn’t actually blog American Idol live tonight. Why? Because I was getting chest x-rays (again) and apparently so was everyone else in the entire metro area.

During his always-lame intro to the show, Ryan Seacrest asks if anyone can match up to Freddie Mercury. That’s like asking if anyone is going to match up to Stevie Wonder or Elton John. The answer is no, Ryan. Don’t ask stupid questions anymore.

It looks like all of the songs I mentioned earlier today were accurate. That could be bad. Or hopefully good. I’m still sad there’s no Bicycle Song.  Maybe all of my wildest fantasies will come true and Clay Aiken will make a special experience to sing it. A girl can dream.

Bucky Covington – Fat Bottomed Girls: I always get sad when Bucky sings a song a like. It’s not because he’s terrible 100% of the time; it’s because I can’t ever understand any of the words he sings. I can tell he’s trying to rock it out like Queen, but it’s falling more into the side of the Oak Ridge Boys or Alabama. Bucky’s wife does not appear to fall into the Fat Bottomed Girls category, and I wonder if this song will cause scandal with their relationship. Probably no more scandal than the news article that’s surfacing about Bucky and his equally dorky brother switching spots so the other Covington twin wouldn’t get in trouble with the law anymore than he already had. Never a dull moment on American Idol.

Randy says it’s a nice way to start the show. And while Paula thinks he did a great job, Simon says it was just mediocre. Typical Bucky reactions.

Ace Young – We Will Rock You: Are those leather pants Ace is wearing? I think he knows he’s in danger of getting sent home and is pulling out all the stops now. While he looks hot in his sleeveless shirt during the Queen rehearsal, he does a pretty good job of pissing them off. His whole performance seemed painful and forced. It definitely wasn’t his element and it was obvious from the start.

Randy ranks him a 5 or 6 and uses a Simon line by calling it “karaoke”. Paula uses the word bastardized and I loved her for five seconds because of it. Simon accurately calls it a complete and utter mess.

 Kellie Pickler – Bohemian Rhapsody: Queen calls her brave for choosing this song. I like to use the word stupid, but I guess they are the professionals for a reason. The lighting in the beginning makes her look pretty much like a zombie. The first few bars are okay, but then – BAM – the country twang falls in and it makes me want to puke. I like country music, but not for this song. Every time she walked in those 19” inch heel boots, I kept waiting for her to fall. I thought she sounded a little pitchy in parts, and you can tell by the way Simon watches her perform that he would like to hump her.

Randy thought she had on a fly jacket and he was entertained by her performance. Paula thought she worked it out. Simon tried to give her some criticism, but then said “it doesn’t matter, just forget it”. I want her to stop talking. Forever.

Chris Daughtry – Innuendo: Queen loves him. A lot. I’d never really heard this song, and during it, I realized why. It’s kind of a weird song that only those die hard Queen fans are probably going to know. I don’t know the reasons behind why Chris chose the song, but he does a great job… as usual.

Randy says he delivered, baby. Paula rambles something that makes no sense. Simon questions the song choice and tells Chris he thinks it’s a bit too indulgent.

Katherine McPhee – Who Wants to Love Forever: She switched songs midway through the week from a rock-around song to something with more of a ballad feel. She can pull of either at the time, but like I say every week, I just get bored with her 10 seconds after she finishes singing. It looks like she’s really able to get an emotional and/or convincing connection to the song. Maybe that will pull in some votes. Just not mine.

Randy and Paula both thought she did a good job. Simon says it was the strongest performance tonight.

 Elliott Yamin – Somebody to Love: My Boy lucked out with this song. He’d never heard it before deciding to sing, so he says, and the fact that it was written basically for Aretha Franklin really gave him a connection to the song that he needed. Elliott is so not a rocker. I love his runs and feelings that he puts into songs when they stand a chance of getting boring. I’ve loved all of Elliott’s performances, and this one was no exception.

Randy said it was probably the hardest song to sing, but he loves him and thought he did really, really good. Paula called him the best tonight. Simon thought he pulled it off.

 Taylor Hicks – Crazy Little Thing Called Love: I was relieved that Taylor dropped “We are the Champions” in favor of something that’s more along his style. After he stomped down the mic stand, I realized who it was that Taylor reminds me of so much – Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air! I’m always scared he’s going to hurt himself with all of the running, jumping, and dancing, but the important thing is that he has fun and makes sure the people watching him have fun, too. This song was right up his ally and the old Taylor was definitely back.

Randy thought he was hot and kickin’. Paula said she wasn’t sure if she should give him a record deal or a straight jacket. Simon asks Taylor if he’s drunk and says the whole thing was ridiculous.

 Paris Bennett – Show Must Go On:  Okay, she looks trashy. If she’s going to pull off the 17-year-old thing, which she very well could, she’s going to need to stop with the fingerless gloves and the whore-like clothes. We have Kellie Pickler for that. Paris has an unbelievable voice, and if I close my eyes when she sings, I forget it’s a mousy little teenager who always seems like she’s going to cry. I do love her voice. It’s just the rest of her I have a problem with, I guess.

Randy liked it. Paula rambled some more. Simon just thought it was weird. The judges were very helpful tonight.

For a bottom three, I’m going with Ace, Katharine, and Bucky. I think and hope Ace goes home this week. I’m done with his role as eye candy and don’t really want to hear him butcher anymore awesome songs.