all things point to hashtag blessed

For the most part, you know?

I have 63,829 things I’ve started to say on Facebook or Twitter and then realized it’s way more than 140 characters or there are way, way too many details to share for a Facebook status update. Then I’ve deleted what I’ve started to write and thought to myself, “Self, you look good today.” And then I carry on about my day. And then NOBODY GETS TO KNOW WHAT WITTY THING I WAS THINKING. Rest assured it was probably in all caps though. 

Since I’m not Catholic my plan of doing this update all confessional style isn’t going to work, since I’ve never seen one of those done anywhere but on TV. And pretty sure Elliot Stabler has been involved in most of the ones I’ve seen. 

Instead, a generic and overused numbered list:

  1. Our son will be 8 months old next week. How the crap balls did that happen? He’s obviously the cutest baby in the world. His latest tricks include high fives, constantly blowing raspberries, using an inchworm tactic to move right along, feeding himself and, as of today, pulling himself into a standing position. He’s pretty much got life figured out. 
  2. Someone just approved a mortgage for us today and we already have a realtor sending us listings every day, which obviously means we’re about to turn into home-owning grow ups. We’re not sure of the exact location we’re buying yet but we know it’ll be less than 15 miles from my work. OR ELSE. 
  3. The elder brother graduated from high school and has registered for his fall semester at a public state university. I’m so proud of how hard he worked the past couple of years and I’m so excited to see how this young man grows in all areas of his life. 
  4. To celebrate the aforementioned high school graduation and that same kid’s 18th birthday, we went to Disney World and Universal Studios for a week. I could summarize it in about 19 blog posts I’ll never write or by one word: AWESOME and one picture: 

Those are the pretty damn cool highlights. It’s been a good spring/summer so far and we don’t really show any signs of things slowing down in the next few months. It seems like that’s the way we like it. Uh huh. Uh huh. 

the greatest thing about a year ago today

One year ago today, probably almost down to the exact minute, Amelia called me to let me know that a blood test at the clinic confirmed the same thing that multiple brands and types of home pregnancy tests had told us the day before: ALL SYSTEMS POINT TO BABY.

Our friends Justin and Megan found out first, because Amelia got the call from the clinic when she was visiting baby Ayla, who was only a few days home from the hospital. Justin had to remind Amelia that she should probably call me. (Thanks, dude!) I told anybody and everybody that would listen. It was one of my favorite co-worker’s first days there, so I’m sure that was a cool “get to know you” think on her first day!

Every single day since then, I’ve done nothing but think about how amazing my son is.

Even on his derpy days.

When we went into this process, we knew we had four shots at this whole process that our insurance would mostly cover. We worked incredibly hard to make sure we had the money in savings we’d need to pay our portion of those four chances. If those didn’t work… Well, we just didn’t really think of that. We just didn’t expect to work the first time.

My boss calls him a gift. And he is. In so many ways. For 365 days, I’ve thought the same thing.

To wipe out the sap and the mush, I will share that my wife dressed him in this outfit for me to take him to his infant massage class is the cushiest suburb of all. Pretty sure Grayson’s dad was jealous that his hairy baby didn’t have the same onesie:

I’m just hoping this baby of mine didn’t catch Cake Eater Disease while we were there.

1/4 teaspoon of saliva is more than you think

For the past several months, I’ve been obsessively building family trees for my family as well as my genetic/biological people. It’s pretty nuts, but it’s also incredibly fascinating.

A few weeks ago, I decided there was a much easier way to find out the genetic piece of what I’ve always been curious about. And while I plan on continuing to dig around under rocks to find out some interesting tidbits here and there, I’m also waiting for science to get back to me.

I forked over some cash to the folks at and a few days later a package came in the mail.


The only familiarity I have with gathering DNA is what I’ve seen on Law & Order: SVU and when I bought 23 million sperm. Since Olivia Benson wasn’t around to secretly steal the pop can I’d been drinking out of, I had to fill this with 1/4 teaspoon full of spit. Up to the line, the directions said, but don’t count the bubbles.


I did it the best way I knew how… which is apparently holding a test tube against my mouth like it was a trumpet mouthpiece.


I mixed the secret blue solvent mixture in as instructed, leaving out the dog slobber that we thought might be funny, and dropped it in the mail the day after I got it.

Earlier this week, I got an email that said this:


Now I wait for 6-8 weeks to find out what kind of a mutt I really am. I’m guessing it’s at least 25% Irish and 25% German based on my supreme internet stalking skills, but I’m still just going nuts waiting. I’m a product of two red-headed adults, you guys. (Yes, in fact, I can show you the Facebook pages of the two folks that contributed the sperm and egg that turned into me, if you’re so inclined.)

The curiosity really started to get at me when we found out exactly what Oslo’s heritage is and I was jealous. Of a 3 month old. It seems like kind of a silly thing to even care about, especially knowing that the accuracy of something like this certainly isn’t going to be 100% accurate and that I won’t understand most of the 700,000 rows of raw data information I’ll end up with when it’s all said and done. But sometimes, you just feel like you need to know things.

a year ago today, i was excited about 23 million sperm

The past couple of weeks, I’ve been checking out my TimeHop and noticing that it’s involved a lot of steps up that resulted in this baby I’ve got hanging around my house now.

Things like this happened:





And then exactly 365 days ago, my wife was in a doctor’s office with her feet up in stirrups while another lady put 23 million sperm inside her. I would imagine not many of you can say that same sentence, nor would you want to.

I’ve been getting updates for the past month of our 2014 that started out involving things like hormone shots and Ultrasounds and, my personal favorite, buying a giant dry-ice cooled thermos  full of sperm. Going through the whole process was tedious and daunting. There were numbers like less than 20% of women with PCOS (which Amelia has) are able to get pregnant on their first try with the type of insemination we used (IUI) when they’re over the age of 30 (which Amelia is). And then there was the statistic of it usually taking at least 3 attempts at IUI for it to actually work. Those aren’t what I’d really call positive numbers.

But, now, thanks to modern science, an incredibly efficient doctor and nurse practitioner AND a little help from whatever higher power you believe in (God for us), we now have a little miracle of a boy in our house growing like a weed every single day. It was meant to be is such a cliche but tell me that it wasn’t. I won’t believe you, but you can try to tell me.

This guy seems to be pretty happy it all worked out, too.