Published July 13th, 2014 by

If you would ask a medical professional the status of our young fetal son, they would tell you he would be viable outside of the womb. While that’s nice to know, we have no desire to meet this little man until he’s much more than viable. We’d prefer he be, you know, full-term and then some.

The internet tells me the following:

  • He has some stellar lung growth and development going on right now and he’s just about ready to get the right internal things he needs to do the whole oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange that’s pretty important in terms of survival goes.
  • His brain is about to become enormous. This is about the time where his brain is going to grow by 400-500%, which burns about about half of his energy every day.
  • When he’s around long noises, his heart rate is to the point where it increases and he starts moving around a little bit more. That explains why at the Lynx game today, he gets a little on the crazy side when they start playing the Everybody Clap Your Hands song and heavy bass in the car on the way to Montana. If he comes out really loving Nicki Minaj, I’ll take the blame on that one.
  • He’s responding to temperature changes. We noticed that this weekend when Amelia set a cold water bottle on her lab and he moved away from it as fast as his cantaloupe sized body could go.
  • Size-wise, he’s weighing anywhere between 1 1/3 and 1 1/2 pounds and measures just about a foot long. Vegetable comparison of the week: corn.
  • I can feel him kick! Amelia’s been really excited for the point that I can finally feel him and it’s pretty amazing. The first time I felt him was at the Pride parade a couple of weeks ago and then later that night at the Lynx game. Seemed like a pretty appropriate time for me to get assaulted by my tiny son.

A while back, I’d sent my friend Colleen (who should have a blog) this little guy’s name, because if someone is into baby name research, it’s that lady. The biggest advice she gave me was “just don’t tell people his name because people are crappy about it”. (Probably paraphrasing, but you get the point.) And holy shit, was she right. We’ve told some people and they’re all like, “Awwww!”, which they might just be doing because they feel obligated to do. And other people have been like, “Whaaaaaaaat?”, which is fine, too. Everyone can have their own opinion and, later, they can call my son by his name whether they like it or not. If you only knew half of the names I absolutely can’t stand, you probably wouldn’t like me. So, we’re even.

Amelia and I were talking about his name this weekend. We’re 110% sold on his first name, no doubt about it. For me, it’s kind of unreal that I’m responsible for assigning another human being an actual name. My dog (Riley) went nameless for a couple of weeks after I got him and it wasn’t until I was sitting on the toilet at my sales gig I had several years ago when his name just hit me. I felt like I probably owed my son a bit more careful selection than that.

16 weeks to go. In that 16 weeks, I’ll be getting my Associate’s Degree, starting my Bachelor’s Degree, getting Ash started in his senior year of high school and making some final decisions on college, taking a vacation to New York and a tentative trip to Missouri in October for my grandpa’s 90th birthday. We have a baby shower that’s being planned by two of our incredibly awesome friends. I’m registered for a 5K and will be probably doing another one in October. Amelia’s registered for a couple of charity walks between now and then, too. I’ll be volunteering for a couple of times at the Children’s Hospital. There’s a lot going on and I’m pretty glad for that. I’m hoping it’ll make the time fly by.

I’m more than ready to be complaining about a lack of sleeping and cleaning puke off myself, on top of all that nonsense above. I’m just happy to wait until his skin is no longer somewhat transparent.

Published June 27th, 2014 by

It’s PRIDE weekend here in Minneapolis. And personally, there’s so much in my life that fills me with pride.

I’m so proud of my family.


I have a 17 year old that’s proud of his unique family. Two moms and a dad are normal to him. All families are normal to him. I’m so proud of him for not being ashamed of his family and being proud of who he is. He’s been in a situation before where a male friend of his liked him more than just a friendly liking. This kid didn’t run for the hills or make fun of his friend; he just explained that he didn’t like him that way and that was that. I’m proud that he’s a strong young man who sees diversity as normal.

I have a wife that’s so proud of our family and I’m so proud of her. I’m proud of all the work she does to advocate for female and LGBT rights in so many different capacities. I’m so thankful that she’s sacrificed so much to cook this future baby of ours and rarely miss a beat in everything else she does. I’m proud of her for wanting to raise our little man in a way where he can be whoever it is he wants and I’m proud of how incredible of a job she’s done in raising the 17 year old as a single mom for so long.

I’m proud of our families for accepting who we are and how we love. I’m proud of their support not only for us, but for our children.

I’m proud of my friends for never questioning who I am or the decisions I make about who I love. Even when I didn’t know what on Earth I was thinking sometimes. And I’m also proud of my friends that are opening up their minds to accept gay and lesbian families as ones equal to their own.

I’m proud of where I work and the support they want to give the LGBTQ community in the Twin Cities by participating in the Pride festival this weekend.

I’m proud of my city and my state for recognizing that same sex couples are exactly the same as any other kind of couple.

I’m proud to be part of the LGBTQ community.


Published June 24th, 2014 by

Our little penis-wielding yahoo is just over 21 weeks done cooking. And he’s got some CRAZY stuff going on in his petite little frame!

  • He’s guessed to be around 10 1/2 inches long according to all the charts and online sources, and when we had our super awesome ultrasound last week, they confirmed that. He’s in the 60th percentile right now in his size and anything above a ZERO percentile is alright with me.
  • Depending on where you look, he’s either the size of a carrot or a cantaloupe or a pomegranate, but I don’t think I can honestly say I’ve seen either one of those ever be 10 1/2 inches long.
  • He’s still making poop. I mean, meconium, which is code for FIRST POOP. I will not share pictures of that.
  • Amelia’s been feeling him move quite a bit. He flips around and gets a little ruckus at Lynx games. I haven’t felt him yet that I can be certain of, but I’m pretty sure it’s coming. Amelia said he already wakes up when he hears my voice and starts moving around. I’ve also learned that if I blow a raspberry on her stomach, he wakes up. I’m already that asshole parent.
  • He’s starting to taste things, which is so foreign to me that I can’t quite understand it, but since he has taste buds, that makes sense.
  • We have his first name picked out already. I’m not sure that we’ll share it with anyone, because I don’t want to hear your ridiculous opinions on it. “Your” being the collective group of turds that like to be jerks about those kinds of things.
  • And since we have his first name picked out, you’re darn right I setup his first gmail account.

And here’s his first Instagrammed picture where he’s more than something that resembles a Snoopy character.


In the words of the doctor that looked over the scans: “He has an EXCELLENT spine.” Thank you. We did that on purpose.

Published June 17th, 2014 by

I’m an over-user of words. Mainly, words like awesome or perfect or dude. All three very important words that I think everyone should use all the time. They make conversations so much more fun.

The other day, when editing a co-worker’s email, I automatically wanted to put the word AWESOME in it, but it had something to do about retirement plans and didn’t seem like quite the content that would have used awesome as a descriptor word. Maybe some people would disagree, but they weren’t the ones proofreading the email now, were they?

Sometimes, I arbitrarily type awesome into Google. I can’t explain why. I just like to do it from time to time. This time around, I found this:


Why, yes, that is a graph of how popular the word awesome has become. I’m not surprised. I can’t imagine Susan B. Anthony using the word awesome to describe any of the anti-slavery movement work she did in the 1850s. I could be wrong. Maybe Helen Keller would have used it, if only there were a sign for it, you know? It looks like it really started taking off right around the time Sandra Day O’Connor turned 25 and her car insurance went down, which is definitely something I would use awesome to describe.

Google suggested that excellent was a prime synonym for awesome and probably a little more appropriate for emails around the workplace.

Popularity of excellent since Sojourner Truth was born:


And I have to tell you, I’m disappointed. I full on expected a gigantic spike in 1989 on usage of the word excellent. Why?

You’re welcome.

Published June 10th, 2014 by

B3 has been cooking now for 19 weeks. He’s almost halfway done! Tomorrow, we have our ultrasound where we get to see things like his face and his heart. I’ll probably explode from excitement (or at least cry) and then I’ll make all of you look at black and white picture of a tiny fetus in a bubble in my wife’s uterus. You’ve been warned.

Amelia’s been feeling him move around for a couple of weeks now. I can’t feel it from the outside yet, but so far, he’s been pretty squirrely when we were at the Lynx game, at the Indigo Girls concert and anytime I come home from work and start yammering way.

Right now, he should be around 6.5 inches long and weigh around 9 ounces. He’s kind of been growing like a weed lately! He’s apparently the size of a large mango, but I don’t know enough about mangos to give me any reference at all. I believe that is a sure sign that I should be hightailing it to somewhere that I can spend a lot of time in a mango grove. Although, another site says he’s the size of an heirloom tomato, so maybe I’ll just go to the grocery store. These vegetable references are kind of played out at this point. How about a hamburger? Is he the size of a Big Mac or something?

The test we had done a while back that also let us know about his sex was only about 98% accurate. Those odds are pretty awesome, but tomorrow we’ll be able to confirm that upon sight. In all likelihood, someone might have to point it out to me, because I’m not super familiar with that particular organ.

Other cool things that we’ll see tomorrow: his ears and eyes are where they’re supposed to be. His eyebrows are apparently complete, so I’m kind of excited about whether or not we’ll see this little guy with a unibrow tomorrow.

We powered through his bedroom for a while, but kind of pumped the brakes right around Memorial Day for no other reason than I think we were just tired of finding places to put things that were in the room formerly known as the office, now known as the baby’s room/elliptical trainer room. We’ve gotta reorganized our basement a little bit, because we both had forgotten that 17 year old organization is quite different than adult organization. Once we’ve got that under control, this baby’s room should be ready to be painted!

Car shopping is next on our list, after summer classes and after our trip to New York. Until then, I’m putting myself on a freeze when it comes to buying things for him, mainly because I keep losing track of what I’ve already bought. It’s safe to say that Children’s Place taunts me daily, but the last time I’ve looked, I’ve seriously ALREADY BOUGHT EVERYTHING.